


This Isn't About War

by predilection



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Keith & Pidge | Katie Holt Friendship, Missing Scene, Naxzela, dammit Keith, suicidal ideation cw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-03-11 23:28:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13534815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/predilection/pseuds/predilection
Summary: Pidge learns about Keith's suicide run and isn't happy about it.A missing scene from the end of season four.





	This Isn't About War

**Author's Note:**

> Remember when Keith almost sacrificed himself to take down that Galra cruiser at the end of season four? I know everyone's already written fics about the aftermath, but here's Pidge getting upset about it, because Keith and Pidge deserve more fics about their friendship, and also because _what the hell, Keith?_

After the battle at Naxzela, Pidge isn't thinking about Keith. She has other things on her mind, like a planet being turned into a bomb and Lotor suddenly wanting to chat. She doesn't really think of Keith at all until later when she's talking to Matt about the battle and he says, "Even if Lotor hadn't shown up, we would've taken out Haggar's ship."

Pidge has no idea what he's talking about so she asks, "How so?"

"Keith," Matt says, and when she raises an eyebrow at him, he sighs. "You haven't seen the footage, have you?"

"I haven't had time," she admits.

"You should know that he was in the process of ramming the cruiser when Lotor showed up," he tells her, frowning.

"With what?" Pidge asks. She may not have been there, but she knows their options were limited.

"With his ship," Matt says, and all the air leaves Pidge's lungs.

*

She hides in her Lion, her computer on her lap, and brings up the battle footage from the ship Matt was on. She fast-forwards to the end and watches in horror as Keith changes course so that his fighter -- and his life -- will be sacrificed to stop Naxzela from exploding.

By the end of it, her hands are shaking so much that it takes her two tries to pause the footage.

They had all come close to death. That was a risk they all took in this war, but this was different.

Pidge remembers Keith volunteering for potentially deadly missions, even as he told the rest of them they were too dangerous. She remembers the way Keith almost died to find out the truth about his knife. And she remembers, most recently, the way Keith left to join the Blade of Marmora, sure that Voltron would go on without him.

The pattern is obvious, horrible, and heart-breaking. 

On her computer screen, the footage is still paused, stuck on an image of Keith's fighter just starting to pull out of a collision course. She closes her laptop, her hands still shaking.

*

When the Marmora shuttle docks on the Castle with Keith on board a day later, Pidge waits until the debriefings and planning sessions are over before cornering Keith in a hallway.

"Hey, Pidge," he says casually, oblivious to her distress or to the fact he's the cause of it. "What's up?"

"I need to talk you," she says, sterner than she intended.

His eyes widen. "Uh, sure."

Hoping for privacy, she leads Keith to the Observatory with its floor-to-ceiling view of the stars. She isn't sure how to begin, and Keith doesn't say anything, just waits for her start. She must take a long time and her distress must show in her face, because Keith asks, "Are you okay?"

"No," she admits automatically. She rubs a hand over her forehead.

"Pidge?" he asks, and she can hear the genuine concern in his voice. "Did something happen?"

All of a sudden, it's too much. He's worried about _her_ when he was so easily willing to...

It's _too much_.

"What were you thinking?" she snaps. 

He stares at her, nonplussed. "About what?"

"I saw the footage of your assault on Haggar's cruiser! I saw what you were going to do!"

He keeps blinking at her, like he doesn't know what she's talking about. 

That only makes her more upset. "You put yourself on a collision course with her ship!"

"Oh." Keith crosses his arms across his chest defensively. "I did what needed to be done."

"What needed to be done?" She's still yelling. 

"How else were we supposed to get through those shields and stop Haggar from setting off Naxzela?" Keith asks, but he's getting louder and louder until he's yelling too. "If we failed, the whole quadrant would've been destroyed! Millions of lives and planets would've been lost! And that would've been the end for Voltron and the Rebellion too! I had no choi--"

"What about your life?" Pidge shouts, cutting him off. "What about you?"

Keith shakes his head, like she's the one who doesn't understand. "This is _war_. My life -- our lives -- they're nothing if it means saving the lives of millions!"

"You don't get it," she says, her hands curled into fists at her sides. "Your life isn't nothing!"

"Like I said. This is war, Pidge! You can't just--"

"Yes, I can!" she says. "All of us would give our lives for the cause! That's not the point!"

"Yes, it is--" he starts but she's done humoring him.

She takes a step forward and jabs her forefinger into his chest to cut him off and she tells him, voice low, "Did you think, for a second, what your death would do to us?"

Keith steps back, thrown off by her question. "What?"

She closes the gap between them again. "It would destroy us, Keith. Did that ever cross your mind?" 

It takes him a second to reply, and when he does, he's no longer yelling. He's quieter, more resigned. "It wouldn't destroy you, Pidge. Voltron doesn't need me. You'd survive."

He says it easily and calmly. Like their friendship is nothing. Like his life is nothing.

Her anger is quickly burning out, replaced by something more vulnerable, and she has to take a second to close her eyes and focus on her breathing so she doesn't cry.

"Dammit, Keith," she mutters, her eyes watering despite her best efforts and when she looks up at him again, he's too blurry to see clearly. "This isn't that hard to understand. I just got a brother back. I don't want to lose another one."

She hears his sharp inhale of breath.

Her hands, still in fists, start shaking again, and into the silence that opens up between them, she can't help it. She sobs.

"Pidge..." It's almost a whisper, but it reminds her of everything she still has to say.

"Why do you think your life is worth less than ours?" she asks. "Because it's not. It doesn't matter that you're half-Galra or that you're not piloting a Lion or anything like that! You're our friend! Our brother!"

She doesn't give him a chance to speak. She steps right into his space and pounds her fists against his chest, against his Marmora armor. "Don't you get it? Voltron needs you." She hits him again. "We need you! This isn't about the war! This isn't even just about the stunt you pulled! This is about how easy you think it is to throw your life away because you think you're not as important as the rest of us!"

She pants, out of breath, her fists still pressed to Keith's chest, and when she blinks the tears out her eyes enough to see him clearly again, she's expecting a fight. Instead, he's looking down at her in what looks like both shock and wonder. 

"Pidge," he says, and his voice breaks. 

Then, even more unexpectedly, he leans forward, wraps his arms around her back, and hugs her.

"I'm sorry," he says softly. "I didn't... I didn't think--"

Even through his armor, he's warm and it's a comforting reminder that he's still alive. 

Her relief hits her like a wave, and she sags against him. She slides her hands around his sides and hugs him back, resting her forehead against his chest. 

"Don't you get it? Even if we're fighting a war, don't you dare throw your life away," she tells him softly and there are tears building in her eyes again. "Promise me you'll try. If you can't do it for you, do it for all of us who care about you."

In response, he leans his weight against her more heavily, holding her tight like she's important and like he doesn't want to let her go. 

"Promise me," she asks again, softer now, even though she knows she's reached him. She needs him to give her his word. "Please."

He pulls away from her, but before she has a chance to worry that he's trying to get out of replying, he meets her eyes. He holds her gaze for a moment, and his pain is plain on his face, his brow furrowed and his mouth twisted in a grimace. His eyes, though, are earnest and bright, and she focuses on them when he finally tells her, "I promise."


End file.
